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podcast/rumaretiya_Jenish_and_Arranged_Marriage.mp3.srt

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+[DRUMS]
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+Ah,Iknowwhatsoundthatis.It'stimetogotoIndia.
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+[PLANE/STREETNOISE]
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+Welcomebackto"PersonhoodandthePublicSelf:InsightsfromRELI67",wherewedivedeepintotheintricatetapestriesofculture,traditionandpersonalstories.
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+[BELLGONGS]
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+Today,we'reembarkingonajourneytoRajkot,avibrantcityintheheartofGujarat,India,whereancientcustomsmeetmodernaspirations.
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+[RASSAMSINGING]
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+Inthisepisode,we'reexploringatraditionthathasbeenthecornerstoneofIndiansocietyforcenturies:arrangedmarriage.
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+OurguideonthisjourneyisJenishUmaretiya,ayoungmechanicalengineerandmycousin,who'sabouttointertwinehislifewithanother,throughthisage-oldpractice.
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+"Yourname?"
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+"My name is Jenish Nileshbhai Umretiya, I am old 23"
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+The singing you just heard was from the sangeet, sangeet meaning sung together in Sanskrit.
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+The sangeet is one of the first events of the long famed Indian wedding,
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+or shaadi in Hindi, a weekend long celebration of love, of connection and the bringing together of not only two people but two families.
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+"And so, now that you're about to get married, what's changed?"
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+'Things are definitely getting changed.
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+Before it was such that if I wanted to go out and go have some fun, they would let me go.
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+I had the freedom to do so, do whatever I want.
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+But now, my life partner has arrived, and she's perfect.
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+So, I don't do that stuff anymore.
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+Mom and dad are there, but nowadays, they really don't ask specifics, because they trust me with my partner.
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+Now, I have this partner that I ought to care for and keep safe."
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+["Tum Hi Ho"]
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+And so, that brings us to the whole reason I came to India.
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+As I sat beside the ceremonial altar, watching the intricate rituals of Jenish and Princy's wedding, a poignant question lingered in my mind.
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+Why not me?
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+This moment wasn't just about observing a marriage, it was a gateway to exploring the vast cultural chasms that separated the concepts of marriage in India and the United States.
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+Why would I not be able to have my own arranged marriage?
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+Why would it never work in the United States? Or, even more, why does it work so well in India?
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+This episode isn't just a narrative about a marriage, it's a journey into understanding the complex tapestry of traditions, values, and personal choices that shape our lives.
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+"Howdy?"
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+"America?"
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+"USA."
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+"Where is your house?"
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+"Over here."
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+"Name?" "Max."
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+The clip you just heard was my uncle Max playing with the neighborhood kids in my hometown.
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+But as we delve deeper into the story of Jenish and Princy, it's fascinating to consider the broader context of arranged marriages in India, a subject that has been under extensive study and debate over the past few years.
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+Traditionally arranged marriages were defined by significant parent involvement, often with little prior interaction between the perspective spouses.
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+But times are changing. From 1970 to 2012, there's been a gradual yet noteworthy shift.
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+Young men and women in India are increasingly playing a more active role in choosing their partners, and inter-caste marriages have seen arise, albeit modest.
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+However, the essence of arranged marriage remains resilient, often blending with modern elements, creating unique hybrid of tradition and contemporary values.
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+Let's see how Jenish and Princy met each other.
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+"So talk about how you met Princy."
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+"So it's an arranged marriage.
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+Well, actually your dad gave me a suggestion.
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+He had a friend who had a daughter.
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+That might be a good match.
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+We knew her family well, and there's a good girl here.
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+Very sweet.
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+Then we met and really liked each other. Now it's finally happening."
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+"And how long did the whole process take?"
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+"About around 10 to 12 days."
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+"Before then, nothing.
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+I had never heard her name, seen her face, met her."
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+I mean, that's crazy.
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+Like, to have met someone and then literally days after committed to them for life.
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+But Jenish also asserts that these marriages are very successful.
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+"Was always planned to get an arranged marriage? Or did you ever feel like a love marriage was an option?"
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+"No, no.
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+India, the love marriage success rate isn't that high."
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+"Out of 10 love marriages, probably eight of them would be unsuccessful, and two of them successful.
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+There's no concept, no culture, of love marriage.
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+I didn't have any desire to do so."
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+And he's right.
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+A study from 2005 from the Journal of Counseling and Development found no significant differences in overall marital satisfaction between India and the United States.
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+In fact, Indian participants scored a higher in spirituality, nutrition, cultural identity, and social awareness.
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+[MARKET CHATTER]
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+See, this is the crucial thing that you need to understand about India.
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+You can hear the bustling, loud marketplace around me. And that's the thing.
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+A very common stereotype is that Indian people are loud, and they're not yelling for no reason.
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+In my experience and throughout the interview, I believe that the Gujrati people and Jenish conceptualize their personhoods through their social networks.
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+I think my cousin put it best when he said that Americans are friendly, but they're not your friends.
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+In India, they're not very friendly, but they are always there for you when you need a helping hand.
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+See, the Gujrati people understand a very crucial part of their existence, that they need one another to survive.
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+The core question Jenish asks himself is usually not the American standard of "what do I want to do", but instead "who do I want to do something with?"
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+Or even more, who am I doing something for?
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+Over the course of my trip, almost every where we went was not for the sake of going to that place, but to meet someone to go do something with.
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+And at almost every point in the interview when I asked Jenish about who he is and who he wants to be, when he was telling me about why he was getting a range marriage, it was because that's what other people expected of him.
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+When I was asked at his wedding "if I saw any girls that I liked", I responded by asking what would happen if I pointed at someone.
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+I was told that it would be an easy setup, most of the girls present were friends of the family, and they would most likely say yes.
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+I was told that I was the top choice.
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+Without allowing my ego to be inflated, they quickly followed up by saying that it was not for my looks, but that my father was a nice guy who was extremely active in the community.
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+Gujrati living runs on elective connections of affection that become a solid and substantial as familial ties.
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+When it comes to arranged marriage, studies from Tulika Jaiswal, Indian Arranged marriages, a social psychological perspective shows that not even personal characteristics matter when it comes to deciding a partner.
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+Because in India, marriage is not about bringing two people together.
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+It's about reuniting the greater community, one couple at a time.
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+[MARKETPLACE CHATTER]
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+[MARKETPLACE CHATTER]
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+[MARKETPLACE CHATTER]