[DRUMS]
Ah,Iknowwhatsoundthatis.It'stimetogotoIndia.
[PLANE/STREETNOISE]
Welcomebackto"PersonhoodandthePublicSelf:InsightsfromRELI67",wherewedivedeepintotheintricatetapestriesofculture,traditionandpersonalstories.
[BELLGONGS]
Today,we'reembarkingonajourneytoRajkot,avibrantcityintheheartofGujarat,India,whereancientcustomsmeetmodernaspirations.
[RASSAMSINGING]
Inthisepisode,we'reexploringatraditionthathasbeenthecornerstoneofIndiansocietyforcenturies:arrangedmarriage.
OurguideonthisjourneyisJenishUmaretiya,ayoungmechanicalengineerandmycousin,who'sabouttointertwinehislifewithanother,throughthisage-oldpractice.
"Yourname?"
"My name is Jenish Nileshbhai Umretiya, I am old 23"
The singing you just heard was from the sangeet, sangeet meaning sung together in Sanskrit.
The sangeet is one of the first events of the long famed Indian wedding,
or shaadi in Hindi, a weekend long celebration of love, of connection and the bringing together of not only two people but two families.
"And so, now that you're about to get married, what's changed?"
'Things are definitely getting changed.
Before it was such that if I wanted to go out and go have some fun, they would let me go.
I had the freedom to do so, do whatever I want.
But now, my life partner has arrived, and she's perfect.
So, I don't do that stuff anymore.
Mom and dad are there, but nowadays, they really don't ask specifics, because they trust me with my partner.
Now, I have this partner that I ought to care for and keep safe."
["Tum Hi Ho"]
And so, that brings us to the whole reason I came to India.
As I sat beside the ceremonial altar, watching the intricate rituals of Jenish and Princy's wedding, a poignant question lingered in my mind.
Why not me?
This moment wasn't just about observing a marriage, it was a gateway to exploring the vast cultural chasms that separated the concepts of marriage in India and the United States.
Why would I not be able to have my own arranged marriage?
Why would it never work in the United States? Or, even more, why does it work so well in India?
This episode isn't just a narrative about a marriage, it's a journey into understanding the complex tapestry of traditions, values, and personal choices that shape our lives.
"Howdy?"
"America?"
"USA."
"Where is your house?"
"Over here."
"Name?" "Max."
The clip you just heard was my uncle Max playing with the neighborhood kids in my hometown.
But as we delve deeper into the story of Jenish and Princy, it's fascinating to consider the broader context of arranged marriages in India, a subject that has been under extensive study and debate over the past few years.
Traditionally arranged marriages were defined by significant parent involvement, often with little prior interaction between the perspective spouses.
But times are changing. From 1970 to 2012, there's been a gradual yet noteworthy shift.
Young men and women in India are increasingly playing a more active role in choosing their partners, and inter-caste marriages have seen arise, albeit modest.
However, the essence of arranged marriage remains resilient, often blending with modern elements, creating unique hybrid of tradition and contemporary values.
Let's see how Jenish and Princy met each other.
"So talk about how you met Princy."
"So it's an arranged marriage.
Well, actually your dad gave me a suggestion.
He had a friend who had a daughter.
That might be a good match.
We knew her family well, and there's a good girl here.
Very sweet.
Then we met and really liked each other. Now it's finally happening."
"And how long did the whole process take?"
"About around 10 to 12 days."
"Before then, nothing.
I had never heard her name, seen her face, met her."
I mean, that's crazy.
Like, to have met someone and then literally days after committed to them for life.
But Jenish also asserts that these marriages are very successful.
"Was always planned to get an arranged marriage? Or did you ever feel like a love marriage was an option?"
"No, no.
India, the love marriage success rate isn't that high."
"Out of 10 love marriages, probably eight of them would be unsuccessful, and two of them successful.
There's no concept, no culture, of love marriage.
I didn't have any desire to do so."
And he's right.
A study from 2005 from the Journal of Counseling and Development found no significant differences in overall marital satisfaction between India and the United States.
In fact, Indian participants scored a higher in spirituality, nutrition, cultural identity, and social awareness.
[MARKET CHATTER]
See, this is the crucial thing that you need to understand about India.
You can hear the bustling, loud marketplace around me. And that's the thing.
A very common stereotype is that Indian people are loud, and they're not yelling for no reason.
In my experience and throughout the interview, I believe that the Gujrati people and Jenish conceptualize their personhoods through their social networks.
I think my cousin put it best when he said that Americans are friendly, but they're not your friends.
In India, they're not very friendly, but they are always there for you when you need a helping hand.
See, the Gujrati people understand a very crucial part of their existence, that they need one another to survive.
The core question Jenish asks himself is usually not the American standard of "what do I want to do", but instead "who do I want to do something with?"
Or even more, who am I doing something for?
Over the course of my trip, almost every where we went was not for the sake of going to that place, but to meet someone to go do something with.
And at almost every point in the interview when I asked Jenish about who he is and who he wants to be, when he was telling me about why he was getting a range marriage, it was because that's what other people expected of him.
When I was asked at his wedding "if I saw any girls that I liked", I responded by asking what would happen if I pointed at someone.
I was told that it would be an easy setup, most of the girls present were friends of the family, and they would most likely say yes.
I was told that I was the top choice.
Without allowing my ego to be inflated, they quickly followed up by saying that it was not for my looks, but that my father was a nice guy who was extremely active in the community.
Gujrati living runs on elective connections of affection that become a solid and substantial as familial ties.
When it comes to arranged marriage, studies from Tulika Jaiswal, Indian Arranged marriages, a social psychological perspective shows that not even personal characteristics matter when it comes to deciding a partner.
Because in India, marriage is not about bringing two people together.
It's about reuniting the greater community, one couple at a time.
[MARKETPLACE CHATTER]